Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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