i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
