I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My liver just had a heart attack.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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