Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
