im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
