Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
