oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
