hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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