Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
