left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Sober January is a disaster.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Are we still banned from the library?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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