I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
