I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
