no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize