carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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