well you can't waste a boner
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
