I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my liver is dry heaving
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
