My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize