I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
