I faked an abortion last night.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need to align my fucking chakras
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