just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
