I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
