I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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