i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
