Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
