And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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