found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
