I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
