honey bunches of taint.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
