what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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