Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
