I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
