All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
