so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
