Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
