well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
