Joe is yelling at the trees again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
