it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
