we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The beer is more important than you right now.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
