Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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