my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
