1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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