You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
