john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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