I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
