you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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