Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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