I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
