Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
