that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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