he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
