it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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