Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize