is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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