dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
