I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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