dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
