like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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