What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
