It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
