So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wear drunk well.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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