she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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