the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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