i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
