dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
