You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
