Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
