if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
where are you?
Hypothermia
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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