We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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