those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
