umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
being pregnant is like rehab
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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