just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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