the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
