She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
